Story A mom with 3 kids is standing on the shore remote parenting as her kids run in and out of the ocean. "Move back, don't get wet, you have your dinner clothes on! Don't make me say it again!" She said this each time the kids ran up to touch the surf. She must have repeated this at least 15 times.
Problem She took no action.
I could see the kids roll their eyes and close their ears. They knew mom was all talk and no action.
If a parent is all talk and no action, then a reaction isn't far behind. If Mom had said, "I see that no one is listening, so it's time to go." Mom is able to ignore the pleas for one more chance, and the comments that she's mean as they leave the beach, because she knows the pleas and comments mean her kids are learning.
The 2nd scenario is responding, not reacting. Mom is responding to the behavior that occurred before she took action. Mom knows that she wants her kids to listen the next time they're at the beach, so she's willing to make a point this time.
There's no need for anger, no need for a consequence, in fact mom is wise enough to add empathy as the kids mutter under their breath as they leave the beach. "I know you don't want to leave the beach, I don't either. But I need you to listen, and you didn't, so we have to leave."
A statement tied to the behavior that isn't working followed by calm action, that's responding.
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